Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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