Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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