my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
