Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
