i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
