Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
