he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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