dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize