hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
