He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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