I wish I could punch you in the face.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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