I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
