shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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