According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize