I am puke
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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