Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
