So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize