You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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