So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
