I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
