we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize