People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
