the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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