You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
