fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
