Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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