ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can text with my tongue
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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