Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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