Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
