we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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