dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
