I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
