Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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