he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
