Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
