youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
