I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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