Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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