Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
