I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
