im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish you could order shots online.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
