After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
