It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
