Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
