I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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