Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Couch. On fire.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
