That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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