I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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