Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
