Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
