I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
