They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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