Christians are straight up FREAKS
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
