Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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