At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
