I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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