Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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