i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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