from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize