On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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