What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
