Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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