you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
