can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
