i permit you to call me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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