I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
