I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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