apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
