I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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