Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize