I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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