We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
