Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
