We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
