Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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