yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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