when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
